I tried something new today. It’s picture day at my kids’ school – you know, the day that I am supposed to make sure my kids look as cute and innocent as possible so their 2nd and 3rd grade faces can be memorialized forever?! Yeah, that day. Except this year I did something different. This year I let them choose their own outfits. And no, my 7 & 8-year olds don’t dress any better than yours. In fact, they are probably more likely to have clothes with holes or stains on them. Yikes!
Read MoreI have always had an interest in politics. I grew up with parents who consciously talked to my sister and me about current events and issues around civil rights. We voted with our parents and watched the State of the Union as a family. I have been a Democrat since before I really even knew what that meant! Now, as an adult I take my kids with me when I vote - something we’ll be doing again on Thursday! I tell them who I am voting for and why, encouraging them to understand the importance of civic engagement. Admittedly, I was one of the people who was completely shocked by the election of Donald Trump. I realized afterwards that I had placed myself into a beautiful echo chamber of liberalism and hadn’t even seen the alternative coming.
Talking to my children the morning after the election was so hard. I had told them about both candidates and why I was opting to vote for Hillary Clinton. They knew that Donald Trump was mean; that he spoke disrespectfully about people with disabilities, people of color, Muslim people, and about women. My boys looked at me that morning and asked me how he was elected president when he was so unkind, so disrespectful... It was hard to find words of hope for them.
Read MoreI was pregnant and gave birth – twice – I know what it means to be uncomfortable. Braxton Hicks contractions, bladder kicks, 24 hours of labor, Pitocin… I mean, I know discomfort! Many of us do. Hell, we wear bras in the summer. And Spanx! And heels! WE know discomfort. But somehow when it comes to Whiteness and racism we become suddenly unable to be uncomfortable. We’ve gotta talk about this.
Before you close out of this and stop reading, hear me out. I am a white woman. I am a Spanx and high heel wearing, fashion over comfort, sweating in my strapless bra in the summer kind of uncomfortable white woman. I’m also a white woman who has cried in the midst of an uncomfortable conversation willing for it to end and for me to be taken care of. I’ve been defensive, squirmy, quiet, and kept my head down in the midst of uncomfortable conversations when I didn’t know what else to do or say. I have avoided giving feedback or addressing a concern out of fear for how it will be received – and how I would be perceived. I am you. My intention isn’t to attack or shame you – I am you. Instead, it is my goal to share with you some things that I’ve learned about the impacts of these reactions and how I think we can do better.
Read MoreLast week I traveled to Washington DC with thousands of other women to participate in this mass action against the Trump administration's horrific immigration policies – I'll write more about that incredible experience later! I learned a lot in the 2 days that I spent in D.C., but there was one stand out moment that I want to write about today. On Thursday night, about 6 hours after I was removed from the Hart Senate Building, I encountered the DC Metro Police investigating an apparent robbery. What transpired highlighted the stark differences between the ways that white women, like me, and folks of color, specifically Black boys and men, experience the Police.
Read MoreFirst let me say that I am far from a parenting expert. Most days I feel lucky to keep my kids alive. I won’t pretend to know it all – or even that much! – when it comes to parenting. But I do know that silence isn’t an option for me. I also know that my parents played a key role in how I have come to be the person that I am. My parents opened conversations about troubling, hard things that they saw in happening in the World. When I was 8 years old they talked to my sister and me openly about what was then called the “AIDS epidemic”, outlining what was true and falsities we would likely hear. They answered our questions, armed us with both the knowledge and language to disrupt lies, and were sure that we knew people living with AIDS. They wanted my sister and I to see the humanity and not just hear a narrative. This is just one example. And it shaped me profoundly. How many conversations with your parents can you remember that shaped your life?
I am a white mother to two white boys. This is not something that I take lightly. In fact I see it as a pivotal responsibility, and an opportunity – it’s my chance to be a part of the change that I wish to see. It requires commitment, damn near constant reflection, self-awareness, and adjustment, and a whole lot of hope. It requires my willingness to acknowledge and unlearn my own racist and sexist beliefs and practices, to fight the urge to compartmentalize and not actually feel the pain of the mothers, fathers, and children who are being separated and detained, and to get comfortable being really uncomfortable. The truth is that actually talking to my kids about this stuff is the easy part.
Read MoreA few months ago, I posted this article on Facebook with the caption "Book club?" -- little did I know that a few months later I'd be leading that very thing. I was surprised by the immediate interest among my Facebook friends to participate in a book club focused on topics of race and identity. About a month after this Facebook post, I heard about Austin Channing Brown's new book, "I'm Still Here: Black Dignity in a World Made for Whiteness" and I knew that it was time for a book club and this would be our first selection. Within an hour of posting this on Facebook, I had 10 women express interest - exciting!
Last night we had our first virtual book chat. We all read or listened to Channing Brown's book and met via Zoom to discuss. There were seven of us on the call - all self-identified White women! - and we had a great conversation about the book.
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