A Note on Grief & Opportunity

Sunday will mark 10 years since my mother died so I have been thinking a lot lately about grief and life and healing.

I recently reflected with a dear friend that I was so grateful for the ways that I have allowed grief to crack me wide open because with that deep pain has come incredible healing and expansiveness. I reflected that allowing grief to crack me wide open made space for the exceptionally beautiful life that I have today.

We are living in a time where grief is so palpable and present -- for each of us individually, but also collectively. Grief about missed holidays and traditions, grief about the immense loss we’ve seen, grief that comes with waking up to the realities of racial injustices. Grief is so present. Even in the small moments when we realize how many dinners with friends we missed while we were quarantined. The births, birthdays, and funerals that we couldn’t attend. The friendships and relationships have changed and faded.

I hold the hope that collectively we will allow this grief to be an opportunity to crack us open -- to let it bring us healing and presence and clarity around what we want our lives to be!

But grief can be so scary.

I ran from it for a long time -- like a looooong time. I was afraid that it would swallow me. I didn’t know who I would be if I wasn’t carrying it around like Ebenezer Scrooge and his chains. I was afraid of what was left of me underneath it all.

Add to that the fact that I was socialized as a girl, taught to hide anger and feelings. Told in subtle (and not so subtle!) ways that anger isn’t ladylike. That crying means I’m irrational and unreliable. That I could push those things aside to continue to show up for others. I knew how to lose my temper and I knew how to compartmentalize my feelings, but I had no freaking clue how to allow emotions and to feel them without becoming them. This idea terrified me.

And I’m not going to lie and pretend that the allowing was gentle and tender and easy. It wasn’t! It was painful and scary and unpredictable. Some days my body physically ached. Sometimes my tears were accompanied by howls -- echoes of so many words unsaid and feelings pushed down. But it was also tender and wild and spacious. As soon as I started to allow, I could feel a new space being created. The box that I had shoved myself in to try and maintain control was slowly coming down and I could breathe again. It felt free, even when it was scary.

And now I find myself living a life that is so much better than I ever imagined was possible. It’s full and expansive and free.

I miss my mother every single day. I still have moments when I ache because I can’t share something with her. The void of not having a mother will never not feel disorienting. But it doesn’t scare me anymore.

Grief and fear and anxiety are powerful emotions that can have great impacts on how we experience our lives day-to-day. They can take us away from the present moment, from being right here, right now. They can manifest in physical ways and impede relationships and joy. And-- it doesn't have to be that way.

Subconscious and somatic healing changed my life. These tools supported me through this cracking open. They facilitated my creation of new patterns and belief systems, new ways of regulating my body and nervous system, and new ways of experiencing expansiveness and joy. And that’s why I learned these modalities and got certified to support others in their healing, releasing, and expanding.

I believe that liberation is our birthright. That we all deserve to experience endless joy, expansiveness, and healing.

And while we work to change systems of harm and marginalization, we also get to heal ourselves and each other.

We deserve to heal from the systems and people who have harmed us. To allow the grief that is so present today to be an opportunity to crack us wide open to the potential of what could be.

This is my hope for each of us. And I would love to support you in this adventure if you feel called and ready!

I have one Magical Breakthrough Session slot remaining before the end of the year. If you’re ready for deep, transformative healing and expansion but you don’t have a lot of time, this is for you. It is part healing, part coaching, part rejuvenation paired with deep support and some pampering! You will be witnessed, held, guided, and supported in moving through big blocks in one aspect of your life. This is a tremendous way to invest in yourself and your expansion!

If you’re ready for some deep healing and support but the breakthrough day isn’t for you, let’s set up a call to discuss your goals and co-create a perfect package to support you as you move into the new year. Email us at info@victoriafarris.com for more information.

Sending love and gratitude to each of you,

Victoria