Certainty is a Myth.
I've been quiet this week. Sitting with grief, trying my best to allow her presence and honor her love. Last week I wrote to you about grief and opportunity. I shared that I am no longer afraid of my grief, which has been so powerful. But that doesn't mean that grief doesn't still require my attention, energy, and tenderness. She can still be tiring and a teacher, I've just learned to be with her instead of running.
This week I have had to shift my mindset around what's productive and what I really need to do. It's taken a lot of energy to just stay present and grounded, to hold my heartbreak and my gratitude. Just to be.
Maybe tending to our hearts is productive.
Maybe sometimes our bodies don't give us many other options...
I've been trying to lean into the belief that prioritizing myself and my wellness is productive, and everything else is better when I do it-- my relationships, my business, my antiracist work. What do you think?
Sunday marked 10 years since my mother died.
A decade.
A lifetime and the blink of an eye.
I honored this milestone by spending time with my family. We laughed and cried and held each other. It was so beautiful and healing. But once everyone went home and we got back to regular life, I got so sad.
Losing a parent is disorienting. And for me, that manifests into feelings of deep loneliness. It has taken work this week to honor that I can grieve and feel lonely, while also understanding that I am not actually alone.
This week has been a series of holding both/ands. Feeling lonely and knowing that I am not at all alone. Allowing myself to be both heartbroken and so grateful and full of joy to be with my family. I am so sad that this version of who I am will never have a relationship with my mother and I am so grateful that I allowed the grief of her death to expand me into this version of me. I'm not quite sure she would have existed otherwise, to be honest. I was also grieving the loss of my mother and celebrating the birth of my love. (Someone turned 40 last week and we had the best time celebrating! 😍)
Life is short and weird and magnificent. Each day is an opportunity to heal and connect and allow, or an opportunity to resist and hold tight to certainty and hide. And frankly, we can make that choice a million times throughout the day!
Certainty can feel more solid. Easier. More clear.
But it's also a myth.
Clinging to it can make us feel safe, but it also means we miss a lot.
Our capacity to adapt and hold multiple truths is what makes us who we are as humans. Our ability to connect, to allow vulnerability, to understand the difference between fear and reality.
The idea of death and grief is terrifying. Many of us want to avoid even considering it at all costs. We're taught to fear death, to look away. Heck, we even say things like "my mother passed away" to avoid saying that someone died. But without death, there would be no rebirth. No perspective. No newness.
As the leaves all fall off the trees in NY, and the cold of winter starts to creep in, nature reminds us of this too. We don't fear winter because we know spring is coming! We may not like it, but we know what's on the other side.
What if this week we allowed ourselves to consider what potential exists on the other side of certainty? What if we pushed past the intense discomfort that comes when we acknowledge that certainty is a myth and allow ourselves to imagine how much more is possible. To let parts of us die so that we can expand into rebirth!
This applies to our history, the stories we tell, and to the ways that we keep ourselves small out of fear. Who would you be if you weren't afraid?
My mother was 57 when she died. She had a whole life left ahead of her. Since that moment I have decided to live my life as if I only had 20 more years-- to be less afraid of failing and more afraid of not trying. What if we all tried this? What would you do differently if you remembered that your years in this body are limited?
Today I am holding profound gratitude for my ability to feel and to hold multiple things. for my ability to imagine and let go.
What are you ready to let go of so you can imagine something even better? I'd love to hear!
Sending you lots of love!
Victoria
PS-- If you're ready to release big limiting emotions and beliefs and burst out of the box of fear and into new possibilities, I would be honored to support you! Let's schedule a call to talk about my Magical breakthrough days and deep healing sessions.
PPS -- Here's what former clients are saying about my healing sessions...
Dr. Victoria Farris is who you want to work with if you are looking for a massive breakthrough in how you visualize and activate growth around a specific area/outcome.
As a creative entrepreneur, I’ve had several breakthroughs in my personal life and business within days, weeks, and months after our session. I booked creative gigs I’d never imagined and have felt increasingly grounded in my business + personal choices as the result of a crystallized vision.
Dr. Victoria Farris’ NLP intensive session facilitated my journey in getting familiar with nuanced subconscious self-limiting beliefs. This allowed me to more immediately release deeply rooted emotions of fear, shame, and guilt that we’re getting in the way of my desired creative and holistic future. With Victoria, I clarified how I wanted to design my future life and felt newfound confidence in making those adjustments after the session. The breakthrough intensive was therapeutic, humorous, healing, fun-loving, and rooted in Victoria’s deep sense of social awareness. With Victoria, I felt seen at every vulnerable moment while being held accountable to lean into the growth (and healing) I was actively inviting into my life.
I am so grateful I invested in this tremendous opportunity with Victoria!