Worry Doesn’t Feel Loving — A New Year Love Note
Another journal reflection from January 2021.
At the time I was working on making choices and decisions that felt loving over people-pleasing or operating from a place of habit or obligation. In order to shift that thought pattern and habit, I was working on naming and unpacking some of the decisions I was making and the fears that I was holding in my journal. This particular entry was a list of things that I was worried about and scared of relating to a new experience. I could sense that my mind was trying to “keep me safe” by telling me all of the things that I should be scared of, but I knew that leaning into this new experience was exactly what I wanted. It was aligned with expansion and joy, which is what I always aspire to move towards.
I was learning to shift the belief that in order for things to be good they also had to be hard. That I had to suffer from worry and fear in order to have this amazing experience.
I was practicing noticing my thoughts and belief systems, befriending them, and working to change them. So I was journaling about fears & worries to get honest about them. To name them and give voice to that part of me. I wanted to unpack whether they were rooted in facts or aligned with my goals and values.
“What would feel most loving to me right now?” had become a trusted thought companion for making aligned decisions.
Does this belief feel loving to me? Does it bring me closer to my goal of expansion and joy?
Does this decision feel loving to me? Does it bring me closer to my goal of expansion and joy?
Ultimately the answer was no.
Worrying about what could happen if I take a risk does not feel loving to me.
“Worry doesn’t feel loving”
But leaning into a new experience that brought me joy and made me feel expansive? That felt SUPER loving.
So I decided to follow that energy, instead of the energy of worry.
And these days I’m expanding this process to ask myself, “does this invite more pleasure and ease into my life?”
If it’s a no, then I know it’s time for an honest conversation about why I want to do it anyway. Is it because I really have to? Or because I truly want to? Or because I feel like I’m supposed to.
These are my goals for 2022.
More pleasure and ease, because I believe that will bring me deeper connections, more presence, and abundance!
I hold the belief and intention that when I make decisions rooted in experiencing more pleasure and ease, I will also experience more abundance.
Befriending my thought patterns has been such a gift. It’s helped me raise my conscious awareness of how I’m making decisions and navigating the world around me.
And beyond that, it requires a really high level of mindfulness and presence, which is a game changer! White supremacy culture often has us worried, hustling, hiding, and avoiding. It does not encourage presence and mindfulness. Disrupting my own thought patterns has also helped me be more present with my actions and beliefs of others: stereotypes, judgments, etc.. And it has supported me in having more deep and meaningful relationships.
I invite you today to get curious about your own worries.
I can only imagine that starting a new year in the midst of another COVID surge and continued profound uncertainty comes with a lot of worry. I’m not going to pretend that I’m not worrying about all of these things and more! But I also know that worry doesn’t actually change the future, it just keeps me from the present moment. So instead of sitting in worry, I’m working to befriend the root fears, offer myself some soothing support, and make active decisions to have my thoughts and energy focused on what feels loving for me right now
If this is connecting for you and you’d like some support in navigating the worry that’s coming up right now, respond to this email and let me know! I’d love to offer some support and if there’s interest, I can record a meditation or offer some reflection guides to folks! Let me know if you’d like that and I’ll work on it! :)
Sending you love today and always,
Victoria
