Taking Radical Responsibility - A New Year Love Note
Hi friends,
I’m writing today with another reflection and love note for the New Year.
As I was reading back through older journals, ones from a few years ago, I noticed that there are some parts that just feel cringeworthy! Things that make me feel so sad for the Victoria of yesteryears. It can feel a little icky to read, to be honest.
When I see how hard I tried to make something fit that didn’t.
Times when I struggled to accept myself fully and instead pushed and pulled and contorted to try and “fix” myself.
Times when I worried about what would happen and what it meant about who I was. (I’ve since learned that worry doesn’t feel loving anymore! 😉)
When I read back it’s clear that I have spent so much time and energy being afraid that I was unlovable. That I was broken. Unworthy.
It breaks my heart and makes me cringe because it hurts. I remember intimately how deeply I was hurting. How scared I was. How desperate I was to feel better, more healed.
It’s hard to read because I haven’t forgotten the hurt that accompanied the words on the page.
But reading it also makes me feel so damn proud of past Victoria for taking radical responsibility for her own life. For my thoughts and beliefs, for my healing, and for the ways that all of that was impacting how I felt. I am so fucking proud of how I’ve taken responsibility for my own joy, worthiness, and feelings.
That’s the practice that has helped me heal!
Learning how to observe myself. To navigate and engage with my thoughts, beliefs, and actions has been a game-changer!
I can look back and see pages and pages about situations and circumstances that weren’t supporting my growth. Pages of me trying to make sense of things that I now see so clearly were never going to make sense. Or I can see pages and pages of me learning self-accountability. Pages of getting intimate with my mind– of healing.
Friends, when we can make friends with our mind and our own thoughts, with the parts of us that we don’t always love or even like, and with our fears… we can change our life!
There is so much healing, expansion, and freedom that comes with befriending ourselves, and especially the parts of us that we don’t like. And it’s possible!
To start you have to become an observer of your own mind. Notice your thoughts and your fears – what are the beliefs and intentions that they’re rooted in. Befriend your thoughts with tender curiosity. Explore your mind not with judgment, but with deep admiration and care.
Get honest with yourself about what the roots are and instead of judging or avoiding, send yourself love. So many of us are socialized to believe that our worth is tied to something outside of ourselves. We’re taught to be small or feel disempowered, disconnected from ourselves. Capitalism and white supremacy connect us to our productivity and achievements instead of our humanity. Living in a world as deeply entrenched in white supremacy culture as ours is, how could we not have self-critical thoughts and beliefs? We are basically conditioned to be afraid that we are not inherently good enough, that’s how the system works – it has us all hustling our asses off to feel valuable! But that’s not your fault, just like it wasn’t mine. And– if we want to find our work and humanity again, we have to take radical responsibility for our own healing. And that starts with getting closer to these root fears and learning to meet yourself with love and compassion.
When we learn to observe our thoughts and beliefs and meet ourselves with tenderness and compassion– that’s when the magic really starts!
I’m so grateful and excited to be on this journey with you.
Rooting for you!
Victoria
