What Does it Mean to be Brave?
I moved at the beginning of this month.
What a project!
To start, I just want to say that change is disorienting.
I know that statement is the ultimate “DUH” but also, I needed to hear the reminder and I wonder if maybe you do, too.
Change is disorienting.
It can conjure up a lot of feelings.
And it is also the birthplace of creation.
But that’s not what I wanted to share today...
As I was packing, I came across my stash of treasures.
The cards and notes that folks have offered me over the years that I’ve kept, because they’re dear to me.
This collection spanned several decades at this point, and included notes from family, friends, colleagues, and even former lovers.
And as I read through these notes, there was one word that kept coming up.
Brave.
You’re so brave, the cards would say.
This was written about everything from changing jobs to moving to ending my marriage… like I said, these notes expanded across many people and many years.
And as I read them I felt simultaneously the deep admiration and love from the writer and a slight feeling of incongruence for what it meant to me.
It’s a funny thing to have people say you're brave for living your truest life.
And I know it happens all the time.
We tell marginalized people how brave they are instead of critiquing the system that makes one brave for living outside the box or for having to survive.
And I think that’s a tinge of what I felt.
On one hand, I know I’m brave. I am relentlessly willing to be vulnerable and scared and do things anyway. I love this about myself!
But on the other hand, the decisions I’ve made to live my life on my terms, in ways that felt most true and authentic to me haven’t felt brave, per se.
It’s felt more like a life and death decision.
Like if I didn’t do the thing or make the change or take the leap, I might actually suffocate from the alternative.
And here’s the thing.
I know there’s a part of you that feels that, too.
That knows there’s a change or incongruence inside of you.
That knows something has to give so you don’t swallow yourself in the process.
I know I’m not alone.
And I want to offer you that you are brave, too.
And that yes, bravery and living ones truth has consequences.
My decisions have often been paired with heartache and heartbreak, with grief of what I had imagined life would be. I’ve lost people and places and things.
But at each turn I gained more of me.
And I’ll take that trade off any damn day.
The same is true for you.
And if you’re also sitting on the precipice, aware that you’re choosing between you (brave!) and suffocating, I’ve got you.
I know it’s scary.
And I also know you wouldn’t be here if you weren’t ready and capable.
And I freaking promise you that you are worth every single consequence that may arise.
You’ve got this.
And I’d love to support you.
Let’s schedule a call today.
You’re worth is and I believe in you!
with love & solidarity,
Victoria
PS: There are a number of ways that you can work with me these days...
Join the Reconnecting with Pleasure group coaching program
Hire me & Jen to work with your organization or team around equity, inclusion, and social justice
Attend the Resentment Workshop: Releasing Blame + Resentment to Cultivate More Pleasure + Joy with Dana on October 25 at 7:00pm EST