Mother's Day 2023

Mother’s Day always feels a little tricky for me.
 

It feels like a day ripe with expectations and “supposed tos”.

And then there’s the grief.

And then for many years it was just me and the kids– deciding how much I would insist that they celebrate me or remind them.

It just always feels tricky.

Well really, I just always feel soooo many damn feelings.

Mother’s Day feels feel-y! 

This year I’ve been reflecting on it in a new way though.

So often I focus on what’s missing. My Mom. Cards from my kids. The perfect french toast and spa day! LOL

But this year I was thinking about all that is.

The reality is that I’ve often wondered if I would have had kids if my mother had died first. And the answer is always that I’m not sure.

Maybe.

I certainly don’t regret it, because being a mother is a defining part of my whole life.

But I do wonder.

Losing my mother when I had two little babies was hard.

I found myself completely unmoored exactly as I was learning what it meant to be the mooring for my children.

But how does one steady themselves for others when they can’t find steady for herself?

It took a lot of trial and error.
A lot of learning from my mistakes.

A lot of community support from family and friends.

But slowly I found my rhythm.

I learned how to mother and as a result I learned how to mother myself.

Today I am honoring how I have become the Mother that I needed, time and time again.

Not only the mother that I am to my kids, but the mother that I am to myself.

I don’t know how I ever figured out life without her, especially as a mother. 

Truly, I don’t know.

But somehow I have.

And it is absolutely fucking gorgeous.

And today I am honoring the Mother I am to myself.

And I'm sharing with you, in case that feels like something that you want to honor in yourself too.

Happy Mother’s Day to all of you who are mothers and who have mothers and who mother yourselves.

May we continue to celebrate the myriad ways that motherhood and mothering as a practice is sacred and essential to our communities.

with love,
Victoria