I Paid for my Gas with Cash Today!

I just stopped for gas and paid with CASH!

Like, I had to get out of my car and walk into the little shop to pay the cashier for my gas, with cash, in advance.

I literally walked in and said “can I still pay for gas with cash? Is that still a thing?” and laughed because I was feeling a little bashful.

Luckily when the person working laughed and said yes, another customer said “I’m doing the same thing!” and I felt affirmed in not being alone.

But the point of my story is that I love cash.

I love taking money out of the ATM.

I love the way money feels in my hand.

I like having money in my wallet.

And I like knowing how much money I have to spend in any given period of time.

But for many, many years I have not had money in my wallet.

I’ve used debit cards and credit cards and ApplePay and Venmo and all of the things that we do in the technological age. (Although I haven’t dabbled into crypto yet!)

And don’t get me wrong, I love having those resources available to me.

But my ADHD brain understands money best when it’s in my hands.

Spreadsheets and income statements and invoices feel like staring at words in another language that I don’t speak.

And for years it made me feel small and like something must be wrong with me.

Then about 6 months ago I was working with my coach around some money things and limiting beliefs, working to heal my relationship with money. This is *wildly* important, especially as an entrepreneur!
And the funny thing is I told her that I am great with money when it feels tangible. I’ve never doubted my ability to save or manage money, but something gets lost for me when the money never passes through my hands. I said to her that I wanted to feel the money, to know it’s real.

I didn’t even realize what I had said.

But this is what coaches are for!

They notice the gems and ahas that come out of our mouths when we’re busy trying to make things harder for ourselves! Ha!

So my coach assigned me the homework of taking cash out of the bank weekly to reconnect with my own money.

Holy shit.

Game changer!

But here’s the thing.

I had a story about myself that because I have a neurodiverse brain, something is wrong with me.

And being an entrepreneur who struggled to make sense of bookkeeping and financial spreadsheets meant that there was something wrong with me.

I was so busy trying to FIX myself that I didn’t hear my own desire and the solution that was literally right in front of me.

Nothing is wrong with me because some things are hard or confusing.

Nothing is wrong with me because I like tactile learning.

Nothing is wrong with me, period.

And had I been able to shift that mindset and belief, I would have connected with my cash so much sooner.

Sometimes we’re the thing that is in our own way.

Our subconscious thoughts and beliefs.

Our old patterns and behaviors.

Our fears.

But as we learn to love all the parts of us that we’ve always considered unlovable or unworthy, we’re able to make space for so many new ways of being.

New beliefs.

New behaviors.

New strategies.

New sources of joy, pleasure, abundance, expansion.

New sources of CASH! 😉

Friends, I paid for my gas with cash today and I loved every minute of it. And as I pulled up and thought, “do people still do this? Am I allowed to do this? Are they going to think I’m crazy?” I smiled and thought to myself “I love cash and I am so excited to pay for this gas with my cash!” and walked in with more confidence and a little smirk of humor.

Today I invite you to love yourself a little more.

To find tenderness for the part of you that you’re feeling embarrassed about.

For the places where you don’t feel quite good enough.

Then do something that makes you feel good.

And if you’re really ready to get out of your own way and dive all the way into your worthiness, to reconnect with yourself and your own magic, and to fall in love with yourself again, I would absolutely love to support you. As a coach, I help clients reconnect with their own desires. To make conscious the patterns and beliefs that are often otherwise subconscious, so that they can be healed and you can expand into your full potential.

And right now I have an *amazing* birthday month special, Leo Sparkle Sessions, where you can get 3, 1-hour coaching sessions for a total investment of $333. This is literally the deal of a lifetime and it won’t last much longer. This is a Leo season special, because your girl is a Leo who knows that this season of the sun and the lioness is the perfect time to reconnect with your sparkle.

You deserve it.

with love + solidarity,
Victoria